PENTAGOONS

By Ernest Stewart

DEEP IN THE BOWELS OF THE PENTAGON a selected group of pirates and thieves gather daily to plan new mischief throughout the world. They run the day to day plans in Iraq to keep that huge amount of oil in Iraq safe and off the market. Like our new permanent air and army bases through out Iraq; we like our oil are going nowhere. Keeping it off market keeps the prices high, fantastically high and getting higher. The oil isn't going anywhere and will be there when we need it. In the meantime our oily administration is taking in trillions from not only our economy but the world's economy as well. The kick backs to the Bush Junta from their good friends in OPEC are in the billions of dollars, add that to the billions in kickback from American corpo-rats and the billions stolen from the treasury and pretty soon it all starts to add up! In fact that $30,000.00 debt for each and every American is actually about 6 times that and rising daily. It may be as high as $50 trillions? Last spring Noam Chomsky put it at $44 trillion in debt. To put this in perspective it took over 200 years to run up a two trillion dollar debt by the time that old dementia head Ray-guns took power in 1981. By the time he left Washington eight years later he had managed to triple it. By the time Clinton left office he had paid it all off and had a $750,000,000,000.00 surplus!

Also deep in the bowels of the Pentagon is the Army's office of the "Chief for Acquisition." These are the folks that have traditionally killed more of our troops than has the enemy. At Valley Forge they failed to supply winter clothing and shelter for the troops in the worst winter on record which decimated the Continental Army under Washington. While his men froze to death, George; who by the way was the richest man in America, spent a warm cozy winter, full of fine wine and concerts with Martha and the boys. You'd think they'd learn but the same group of genius sent our troops off to fight the Japanese in the Aleutian Islands with summer clothing. Many more troops died or were crippled by the elements than were killed by the enemy. This same group of officers and gentlemen sent our troops to be blown to tiny bits in armor less humvees and without even flack jackets in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Their spokesgoon Major General Jeffrey Sorenson, the Army's deputy chief for acquisition declared that all soldiers who have had armor sent to them by mom or had bought some of their own must take their body armor off or face discipline. Say what mother f-----? Have you lost your f------ mind? Jeffy didn't say that they'd get any approved armor but just that their armor wasn't approved and therefore must be taken off. After Jeffy's speech other Pentagon spokesgoons said that they would be given new approved armor. However if that was true they wouldn't be threatening the troops as anyone with a brains of duck would be happy to upgrade their body armor for better equipment. So regardless of what the pentagoons claimed I smell a rat, don't you? If what they said was true then there wouldn't be any problem, would there?

I remember when I was in the army I met a candidate for cannon fodder and bemoaned the fact to him that inside my howitzer I was only protected by 2 1/2 inches of alumaplate armor which probably wouldn't stand too many 50 caliber rounds against it. He laughed out loud and pulled on his t-shirt with his finger showing me his armor, I got the point, pity Jeffy and his pals didn't! Jeffy is just the tip of the iceberg.

Lt. Gen. William G. Boykin, who's been called a religious fanatic and

a three-star bigot, has been under a barrage of criticism in the Islamic world.

All the honest leaders in the Pentagon have long since retired or were fired. We've been treated to heavy thinkers like Lieutenant General William G. Boykin who said, "I knew my god was bigger than his. I knew that my god was a real god and his was an idol." Folks, this guy is a three-star and didn't know that the Muslims worship the very same myth that he as a Christian does. Gives ya strength, don't it? And when the general's view came to the attention of the press Von Rumsfeld and the Fuhrer gave Billie a promotion!

Then there is our favorite four-star: Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Marine General Peter Pace who's in charge of this traveling circus. Petey never met an order he didn't like and is Von Rumsfeld's willing puppet, whatever Karl or ole Dead-eye want they get in spades. Petey has no problem with lying his ass off about the wonderful conditions in Iraq. So America, it's "Damn the icebergs, full speed ahead" on the good ship USS Titanic! At ease, smoke'em if ya got'em!

In Other News

Like rats from a sinking ship, former White House chief of staff Andy Card has jumped over board and headed for the hills. Andy who was once sent out by Bush to get everybody some cheese-burgers joins former Bush Junta criminals, Richard Clarke, Paul O'Neill, Christie Todd Whitman and Colin Powell in scurrying out of the spot light and into the dark; hoping no doubt, to avoid the treason and sedition trials to come. You'll remember Andy from that famous 911 photograph of him interrupting Bush from reading "My Pet Goat?" You know the one where Andy is whispering in Bush's ear: "Everything is going according to the plan, mein fuhrer!"

Now here's some more happy news. I see where "der Exterminator" has been squashed and won't be returning to camp next year. Tom Delay says he won't be seeking re-election; what with his upcoming trials, prison sentence and all. Like Henry Kissinger who was the inspiration for the character "Doctor Strangelove," Tommy was said to inspire the character of "Bill Lee" in David Cronenberg's movie of the William S. Burroughs (novel) "The Naked Lunch." Imagine if Tommy was really a bug poison snorter way back when someone calling him "the exterminator" had a whole different meaning! Wouldn't that explain a lot of the Con-gressman's bizarre actions in and out of Con-gress? Wouldn't it? It could also be a defense plea that Tommy might want to look into?

Keep the faith y'all!

(c) 2006 Ernest Stewart a.k.a. Uncle Ernie is an unabashed radical, author, stand-up comic, DJ, actor, political pundit and for the last 5 years managing editor and publisher of Issues & Alibis magazine. In his spare time he is an actor, writer and an associate producer for the new motion picture "W."

NOTE: This is Ernie's debut piece at Cyrano. We welcome him warmly as one of our resident contributing editors.